Betfair Top Tens
Top 10 Excuses to wife
Audi-doo-doo 10 Oct 23:01
I knocKed one out earlier, dear.
comeonkauto 10 Oct 23:07
Audi-doo-doo 10 Oct 23:08
didnt realise the time
johnn 10 Oct 23:08
Didn't know she was your sister :-(
Audi-doo-doo 10 Oct 23:09
wasnt me with her love it was my twin brother
bertiesmalls 10 Oct 23:09
You can catch it off a toilet seat......
GT 10 Oct 23:11
Im working late...
Far From Trouble 10 Oct 23:12
she was so fat and overpowered me
sepp blatter 10 Oct 23:15
even if you are caudht red handed doing whatever shes caught you doibg,two
timing,late home,betting to much,drinking too much ,whatever - always deny it -
they cling to the denial
i.e. if caught in bed with other woman - say you didnt do it ,you was just hugging,
they need that 1 % doubt to live with it - you are hurting her more by admitting
skubydude 10 Oct 23:25
me mates pinned me down and gave me a beefy on the thigh , while the
others scratched the living daylights out of my arse with false fingernails
poker crusader 10 Oct 23:34
" im sorry ok ..... i thought the sign said WAREHOUSE "
Audi-doo-doo 10 Oct 23:50
Missed the last train ! only had a return and no money left il have to
TiptheOdds 11 Oct 00:31
I was just cleaning it and it came off in my hand...
bettysboy 11 Oct 00:34
i thought you'd swallow this time.
I_Know_Everything 11 Oct 01:07
It wasnt me
I really do love you
What you actually read my phone i cant believe you would do such a thing
You odnt know what your saying
Fookoff its your fault
Beating Chastards 11 Oct 01:09
It's not how it looked, I was merely helping that sheep through the fence
danny w 11 Oct 01:12
oops !!!!!!!!!!!! why put them so close together
Balloon Ed 2 11 Oct 01:18
your a ****** ugly knut!
dewey 11 Oct 01:32
Balloon Ed 2 - SO ARE YOU
Balloon Ed 2 11 Oct 01:45
that's the other excuse I use ;)
e10rifles 11 Oct 02:35
she said if i didn't shove my c0ck down her throat she'd shoot me
KautoFleetwood 11 Oct 08:36
You don't understand me.
KautoFleetwood 11 Oct 08:37
I was sleep walking (in bed with her sister at the time)
The Top 10 mistakes to make whilst snooker punting
The Romford Slim 15 Dec 19:40
1. Try and bet on a mobile device live from the venue
2. Get the match odds market confused with the Frame by Frame betting - i thought
that 1.4 about the won oh won was value guv. (NAP)
3. Become emotinally attached to Anthony Hamilton/Alan McManus (select as
appropriate) because you think they have the best snooker nicknames
4. Bet blind on the back of something JV says without summing up the situation
yourself (no the cue ball isnt going in the pocket)
5. Bet on ROS. You should have no backs, lays, or failing that ARBS on this
6. Think the player has run out of position after taking a free ball, not on
a red and subsequently laying in the MO/FBF (NB)
7. Follow the holy ghost (3 days in, how many points down thus far gents?)
8. Have a conversation about banana eating when you should really be studying
for the next session
9. Back a 1.8 shot at 1.4 just because a ball has been potted. Its buying money
10. Dismissing the qualifier as you have not heard of them before - they
definately have 'patchy' form.
As you can see, there are some sumptuous errors to make, but which are
Top 10 Swear Words
AFL 06 Jan 11:46
Top 10 Swear Words...
Journeyman 05 Jan 18:16
Top 10 thing you won't be able to buy in Woolies any more
10. Economy batteries
9. A new pen ('Everyone loves a new pen!'- Woolies)
8. Dodgy European pay as you go phones
7. Buffy DVD box sets
6. Orange and lemon slices
5. 99p DVD-R four packs
4. Lees' jaffa Orange bar and Coconut Ices
3. Iffy SPL posters
1. PICK AND MIX (nap)
erse 05 Jan 18:11
Top 10 words that just came into my head
9. double jointed
SLB 05 Jan 18:01
Top Ten CONSONANTS in the UK Today.
A pleasing and definitive list.
frasier 24 Dec 17:27
10 reasons why characters from your local bookmakers will
always remain a class above your average Betfairian.
1) whilst having a few bets in your local bookmakers, and due to
circumstances beyond your control you unfortunately hit a bit of a
losing run and find yourself over £30.000 out of pocket. the other
customers tend not to gather around you like a pack of slobbering
hyenas, laughing and pointing, calling you a mug and a loser, and
telling you to give up the game for good you USELESS MUPPIT!!!!!
2) although your local bookmakers is home to many a harmless
lunatic. very few of them, if any. instigate detailed conversations
with themselves for no particular reason
man 1 "good morning my friend how are you today"?
puts on huge rubber fake nose
man 1 "fine thanks mate, i have just parked the fishing boat
in the marina, and i find myself looking forward to another
afternoon of top notch pro punting action.
takes off huge rubber fake nose
man 1 "indeed my friend, by the end of day we will hopefully
be dining on lobster sandwiches and venison vindaloo once
again....... etc etc
3) while you are in your local betting shop doing your business.
you are very unlikely to see thousands of little bots scurrying
around the floor between races, collecting all the loose change they
can find to take home to their unable to form an opinion, ive got a
job so i havent got time to sit here all day, and i want some money
for nothing anyway, masters.
4) if a stranger suddenly appears in your local betting shop, and
starts freely giving out tips on horses that in his opinion are
certainties to lose, and the said horses are duly stuffed as
predicted, then the chances are that the stranger will not suddenly
take on a god complex, create a website and tell everyone that from
now on his advice will cost you £30 a month in advance.
5) when the above betting shop characters lucky streak finally
comes to an end, usually after a month or so. it would be highly
unusual for him to announce to everybody that hes leaving. only to
come back the next day wearing a false beard, using a false name and
declare himself to be the new messiah!
6) if theres a character down your local bookies who people dont
really take much notice of and hes feeling a little bit left out.
only in very extreme circumstances would that person go home. put on
a dress. give himself a girly name and start flirting with the more
respected male characters in the hope of achieving some much needed
7) on a saturday, when things are a little busier than usual. its
very unlikely that your local bookmaker will have a breakdown, and
refuse to take or settle any bets for an hour or so while he gets
his head together in the back room.
8) whilst waiting patiently in the queue to place a bet in your
local bookmakers, it would very unusual indeed if gangs of people
suddenly started pushing and jostling ahead of you in the line, the
closer you got to race time, frantically pleading with the bookmaker
to take their £2 before anybody elses, even going as far as
offering to accept much smaller odds than they would have to if they
werent so pig ignorant, and they had just a tiny bit of patience and
waited there proper turn like everybody else.
9) if somebody in your local bookmakers was having a vague
conversation with his mates about a horse that he thought might
possibly have a slight chance of winning, and the said horse duly
bolts home. your average betting shop customer would very seldomly
go up to the man and start vigorously patting him on the back while
saying " cheers mate, i have never seen you before, and i
havent got a clue who you are, but i heard you mention such an such
a horse so i stuck my last £50 on, cheers, you got me out of
trouble big time "
10) and finally. once the days racing is finished and your local
bookmaker wants to lock up and go home. betting shop customers will
very rarely refuse to leave the premises, instead opting to sit
around in their y fronts until 3.o clock in the morning. playing
helicopter, and telling each other what they just had for supper
with their imaginery girlfriends.
back by not very popular demand.
top 10 forum hardmen of the last 3 1/2 years.
frasier 10 Sep 12:58
1) the handicapper ( make believe triad )
2) robbed blind ( pub car park punch up specialist )
3) tyson75 ( begsy wannabe )
4) kryten ( deranged lunatic )
5) imperial beale ( isn`t here to make friends )
6) lampus ( always watch out for the quiet ones )
7) daspringbok ( master of disguise )
8) ppking ( scourge of the scotsman )
9) harvey ( community forum policeman, prone to dish out the occasional beating if you cross him )
10) limerick mick ( nuff said )
a highly formidable list of internet hardmen. cross these guys at your peril!
The Top 10 FEUDS on the forum:
davix 16 Sep 15:56
1. jonjo vs herbie (jonjo winning hard held)
2. ppking vs deepthroat (ppking seems to be nicely on the bit cruising to victory)
3. imperial stride vs ***** (***** pulled up leaving imperial stride to cruise home)
4. janov vs sportsnapper (janov won as sportsnapper seemed to disappear from the race)
5. bignosedave vs aceform (bignosedave winning with a bit up his sleeve)
6. happyhibby vs happy hibby (happyhibby showed his grit in this battle)
7. atavus vs the mole (a tight battle, these two are dead heating at the moment, surely atavus
will come through?)
8. xavierrhodes1980 vs limerick mick (xavierrhodes1980 won this battle i seem to recall)
9. leedsunited vs mfordy (leedsunited must have won as i haven't seen mfordy for a while on here)
10. loper vs queenbee (loper won as his points were very valid)
with the above 10 feuds i suggest olive branches are handed out by all parties. that way
the forum can become peaceful once more. good luck settling your feuds once and for all
in an amicable fashion.
Top 10 Female Trainers Ever
thurnscoe thunder 20 Sep 13:52
1, Edna Bolger
2, Jenny Pitman
3, Venitia Williams
4, Mrs Harry Ramsden
5, Miss Camacho
6, Julie Cecil
7, Monica Dickenson
8, Ms F Crowley
9, Edna Kelly (one in the second race today at Listowel)
10, Mrs H Sweeting
Top 10 missing betfair forumites and their taglines
Pricewise Muppet 29 Sep 14:23
1. ppking - "I have them in a cage on my desk"
2. yourbestmate - "I have (insert made up price) on (insert horse who has just won
3. BigNoseDave - "wHERS MI BOTE?"
4. accumulator - "You ******* **** **** ****** *****!!!"
5. t0fty - "Attraction won't win the 1000 guineas, but I'm just off to Legoland"
6. fubar - "God bless the Queen Mum" (in a list of top 10 racing females)
7. sportsnapper phil - "I'm not bald it's a bad camera angle" & "You can see my pool from
space (it's next to my big bald heed)"
8. HappyHibby - "Free Fallon? No effin way, he's stayin' in ma cellar"
9. xavierrhodes1984 - "The 5 a side boys are all lumping on Venn Ottery for the National"
10. celt1 - " " (has been quiet since the Boder dogs are no longer being trained).
A pleasing list.
Top 10 places/things to eat for the on course punter
Officer Jim Lahey 06 Oct 16:03
1. Happy Eater - Devon and Exeter
2. Oriental stir fry - Goodwood
3. Barry Cope's prawn curry - Taunton
4. Hog Roast - Cheltenham
5. Jacket Spud - Newton Abbot (Silver)
6. Pizza bagel - Lingfield
7. Square sausage - Happy Hibby's Scotch Nosh (Edinburgh racecourse)
8. Pasty - Wincanton
9. Packet of 20 B&H - Warren's Of Warwickshire - Warwick
10. Roast dinner - Goodwood - sneak into the staff restaurant
any more for any more?
The Top 10 PROPUNTERS in the UK today.
ppking 13 Oct 10:19
2.The Scottish wallpaper carrier bag man.
6.Jonathan Ramsden of "The Bespoke Tipping Service."
7.The Ruck from Hampshire.
8.Davix from the English Riviera.
As you can see there are some good ones there.Which one is your favourite ?
The Top 10 equine nutcases of our time.
ppking 13 Oct 12:55
2.Him Of Praise.
5.Invasion (O Brennan).
7.Howard from *****.
frasier 13 Oct 18:42
top 10 forumites who would benefit by being gelded.
1) aceform / the predator
2) limerick mick
4) imperial beale
the removal of the above forumites testicles would help bring a much calmer outlook
to their forum life, less chance of a ban, and hopefully an improvement in their
overall tipping performances imvho
The Top 10 things that brighten up our racing/betting industry industry.
ppking 17 Oct 22:01
1.Momentum traders ruing BF.
2.The wise guys from "over the water".
3.Tipping Lines and their relentless spam.
4.£8 for a hog roast sandwich and pint of Aldi type lager at the races.
5.Vets and their vet's certificates.
6.Overwatering by the Groundsmen.
7.Bookmakers not willing to lay a bet at the track unless the price is bigger on BF.
9.Racing syndicates ripping off the unsuspecting owners.
10.Racecourse car park attendants.
As you can see there are some good ones there.
Which one do you think is a credit to the industry ?
Top 10 up and coming trainers in the UK today.
ppking 19 Oct 15:12
As you can see there are some good ones there.
Which one is your favourite ?
10 Banded horses in action today
Quito 31 Oct 11:53
1) Borzoi Maestro (NAP)
2) Seven No Trumps
3) Sharp Hat
4) Hout Bay
6) Kentucky Bullet
7) Emperor Cat
8) Spinetail Rufous (22/10/2002)
An acceptable list, Machiavellian?
The Top 10 Most Famous Horses
Tyler Derdon 03 Nov 17:36
1 - Shergar - Kidnapped
2 - Arkle - Weight carrying machine
3 - Desert Orchid - Gallant Grey
4 - Best Mate - Modern day Hero
5 - Dubai Millenuim - Boys in blue ICON
6 - Red Rum - Grand National Masterclass
7 - Moscow Flyer - Irish Champion
8 - One Man - a Jumping masterclass
9 - Ghostzapper (NAP) - Amercian Idol
10 - ????????????
Number 9 will be mentioned a few times in the next 24hrs.
Anyone suggest a famous talked about horse for number 10 Please and what is your favourite.
Top 10 trainers who regularly use sheepskin nosebands
heynoodles 05 Nov 17:39
1. Geoff Wragg
2. Alan Swinbank (Nap)
3. Noel Meade
4. Noel Chance (NB)
5. Michael Hourigan
6. Jessica Harrington
7. Arnaud Chaille-Chaille
8. Kim Bailey (not sure about that one)
9. Shocking omission
10. Poor oversight
Top 10 Shrewd Stables
legend 13 Nov 16:10
Didn't bother with the irish ones as i haven't got enough room.
I may have missed a few though.
Top 10 Rock Guitarists
betfair smell 14 Nov 00:10
1. Jimi Hendrix
2. Eric Clapton
3. Jimmy Page
4. Jeff Beck
5. Van Halen
6. Stevie Ray Vaughan
7. Joe Satriani
8. Ritchie Blackmore
9. Steve Vai
10. David Gilmour
100% FACT IMO
The top 10 trainers never to send a nat hunt horse2 in the south of england
roo 18 Nov 08:56
1,paul webber-the guy could turn a nice sauterne into van ordinaire blanc in 6 weeks
2,Kim Bailey- plain awful nowadays
3- olivier Sherwood- the occasional one sneaks thru the net but generally he ruins em
4- Goneathon Geake-horses all look well,a few run ok,they run well for 3 weeks a
year when toby trains em.
5-Andrew Turnell- Old school,never been a trainer,similar to geake they run well for
a little bit when kings there.
6-Laurence Wells-has lovely chasing types but is hopeless at training them,cowboyboots
did win tother day,that was a very rare exception.
7-Ian Williams- now that the poor old cash cow governor daniels not in training god
knows how he makes a living.
8-Charlie Viruslock-Trained my favourite pell mell mare years ago but is awful nowadays.
9-David Bridgwater-Terrific jockey but doesnt seem to have any idea about the training
10- contentious one but Robert Alner,not for his horses,who are all turned out beautifully
and generally do ok but for the blokes appalling choice of
jockeys.The mincedrobes shot to bits,jacob is competent but walfords the worst of the 3,
a very moderate point jockey riding all those good horses ,yuk.
Who are your trainers to leave well alone??